Dressers and Front Door in Robin's Egg Blue.

So here are the pictures of the dressers that my friends talked me into keeping. (Like I needed any arm twisting.) I wanted to sell them, but I am just far, far too in love with them. I used this great Benjamin Moore paint that is the only thing I use for furniture anymore.


Here is what they looked like when I brought them home from a community yard sale...


I haven't attached the mirror, yet. It's only one coat short of being done!

I took off all of the pulls and instead of replacing them, I painted them with a special spray paint I have found. 'Cause why tamper with perfection? Some people would think they should do that to update them. Tsk.

Pugmann has to be sure and shake a few hairs in for good luck. Ancient Chinese secret.

And here they are now! Tadadadada do do deeed eed od o ta da ta da tadada dada dada dada da DA!

If you've noticed I have no baseboards, you'd be right! That's #23497 on the to do list.


Aaaand because I loved it so much, I painted my front door this same color.

Wow, I really need to paint my front stoop. It's still covered in glue from the ripped up carpet we pulled off it the day we moved in. I'll add it to the list...#31567...paint...front...stoop.

A day late and...ok a lot of days late...and $500 short.

Well, I finally got my camera and my computer and the right cords and the right memory card all in the same place at the same time. It wasn't easy. So I now have the pictures from the Multi-Master shoot from what, six months ago? But here you go, if you still care at all.

This is what our kitchen looked like for six weeks. Seven? A lot of weeks.


Boy, did the animals love playing in the debris! They dragged it all over my house.


But don't even worry, the Multi-Master crew is here, now. Shhhh, yeah it's all gonna be OK now.




I think here Kent stepped on a nail. Sorry.

New counter tops going in.

Ooooooh, preeeeety.

I love my farm house sink.

Here are the floors going in. I had to es'plain how the pattern was supposed to go at the last minute. They had it wrong. So it slowed us up a bit. But they did it perfect and now I love them.


Jane is looking out the window wondering where her pile of debris went.

Oh, nope. There it is.

The deck.


There's that darn debris pile. And it looks like it's gotten angry. I don't want to see it angry.

I shouldn't have looked in the garage either.

Six months after the make-over we have had some issues with the speedy nature of the remodel. The sink leaks, the doors underneath are pulling off and apart, the tile settled crooked from us walking on them and we have had a lot of grout loss on the tiles. But for the most part it looks good. CERTAINLY better then it did. And one of the tile workers left us a cool used sweatshirt. So thanks for that.

Since these pictures were taken I have painted the kitchen a softer green in my new favorite thing, Benjamin Moore Matte paint. It's washable flat paint. That's right, you heard me. And I picked a cool "greige" for the hallways and entryway. It hides EVERYTHING. Run, don't walk, out and buy some for your house if you have old and ugly wall texture you need to hide. I vowed to never use anything but Benjamin Moore paint ever again.

Coming up...my new dressers!

Stay tuned!

Thumbs Up.

I really thought that our illness quota had been filled for this quarter. But no, because Bella started throwing up early Monday morning and that night I got hit with a bad head cold, hard and fast. I had to be on set for two days and endured 48 hours of Swine Flu jokes. As I had suspected I would.

We were shooting these well conceived, if not hastily thrown together, spots for an accident firm called The Advocates. On the second day at lunch I sit with the sound guy, "Hard G" Gerald and Murphy the producer. Murph tells a story about the Mormon conversion of a gay friend of his who was his next-door neighbor. The guy was fully homosexual, out of the closet, the whole she-bang (pardon the pun) and one night while playing Scrooge on stage he internalizes his lines about changing and realizes that it's time for him, that he has to change. So he goes back to the Mormon church and goes through the process of repentance and marries and is re-baptized although not necessarily in that order. And John said this guy was amazing. Just such a fantastic person to be around and at his baptism all of his gay friends are there to support him. And I love that because there is none of that pesky reverse discrimination in this story, not for this guy. Because he is just pure love. And then the guy dies of AIDS some time later.

And then John also tells about his Sister in law who was at the gym working out and starts to get really light headed. And she stops working out and goes into the showers and is really fuzzy in the head. She turns on the shower but it's full blast hot. She passes out right away and sees herself on the ground. And her deceased Mother, (Mother in law?), is standing next to her and says, "It's not your time. You have to turn the water to cold." And somehow she is able to turn it to cold, even though she tries and can't move her right hand. And then she tells her she has to move the water to her head immediately, or she will die. Again, somehow she does this and then wakes up straight away. John says what makes this story amazing is also to know the woman this happened to. She is very pragmatic and not at all new age-y and mystical.

So then I tell about my Dad and the story about the woman in the back seat of the car during the accident he was in on New Years Eve in college. Their car was hit head on by a group of drunk kids. My Dad's first wife was killed. The woman in the back seat said she could see the people trying to work on them, the cops and medics but she also saw a bunch of people around that she knew were not being seen by anyone but her. I wondered in that moment if I was there...

We were then called back to set. Gerald and I kept talking about angels on our SLOW walk back and I told him about how my Mother talks about them a lot and how I had a close friend that used to, also. When I was first back in the church I challenged my friend. I asked her if she really believed in Angels, the whole harp and wings crap. She was surprised I didn't and told me if I wasn't sure, then I should pray about it. I was all like, "Fine I will!" So that night, I said, "Dear Heavenly Father, I am wondering, is there such thing as ang..." and I swear I had not finished the sentence before I was overwhelmed with that warm, weepy feeling you get when something is true without a doubt. I was shocked. I had to wrap my brain around it. I figure, they don't look like little babies with bare butts hanging out inside fluffy clouds, but they do exist. So I'm shifting my paradigm about it.

After Gerald and I finished our chat, we went back to work. All day I was like a cat on a hot tin roof. We are creating accidents for these ads which is just...tempting fate. And I hate heights more than ANY-THING and we spent the day on a three story parking structure. Just that much height freaks my junk out. There is a part of me that wants to jump and fly through the air without consequence and that part of me is what scares the crap out of me. I am afraid it will win one day. I tell this to the six guys from the ad agency, Struck. One says to another, "Dude, tell her about thumbs up!" And does a two handed thumbs up like Fonzie. But the guy goes, "Naaaaw..." They all encourage him, so he relents.

His brother loves to mountain bike and has a group of buddies he likes to go with. And they are in Moab. Anyone who has some knowledge of Moab knows that most rides down there have one or two spots that are lookout spots. You ride up red-rock hills for a long, windey time and then get to a place where you stop and look out over a huge drop. Some have them very close to the trail. Some, like Gemini Bridges have spots like, ON the trail. But they were on such a trail on the day in question, with a good two hundred or so foot drop. This agency guy's brother was video taping his buddies as they rode around a bend, with the drop off point to one side of their trail. One of their guys came through when suddenly his front wheel locked and his bike donkey kicked him off. He flew off his bike, over the edge of the cliff. And as he flew through the air he looked at the camera and smiled, and gave two thumbs up. And then fell to his death. They showed the footage at his service. They showed that he was smiling and it was OK. Because, you know, thumbs up.

I would like to make a deal with God. I know dying in my bed would be my first choice. Go to sleep, not wake up. Second would be to be hit by something funny. Like a Zamboni or a Wonder Bread Truck. Leave them laughing. Third choice would be to live until Christ comes and not have to actually die. This deal I make will include a clause somewhere that I will not in any way fall to my death. Not in a plane, a zeppelin, a hang glider, a bike, a car, my clothes, nothing. In no way will there be a moment of recognition of my impending doom while I vomit all over myself as I realize, "Hey, I'm about to hit some rocks and die" I would rather have a terminal disease. I would rather choke. I would rather not ever die. Thumbs up for that.

KSL Part Three.

Oh, man. I have some more great stuff from crazy people. I get such a nice glimpse into the psyche of the average American that I think that even once my home is fully furnished I will still go to KSL for the entertainment. For a while there I was only finding things that gave me minor chuckles. Mostly at how people will misspell things. "Couche in Mint Condition" "I also have more items for sell" One woman even posted an ad asking for people to please "higher her" to decorate their homes because she knows how to do it for less. (FYI...So do the people reading your ad. That is why they are on KSL.)

But here are some real doozies. You really have to see the full ads on these to appreciate them.

$1,199.00 $ / FOR ** 4 CHAIRS **

* * 4 MODERN BARCELONA STYLE CHAIRS* * * EXCELLENT VALUE!!!

Sandy, UT 84092 - Feb 7, 2009

These are barcellona style chairs each originally over 900 a piece, frames of stainless steel,chrome, perfect for that MODERN LOOK!! leather (could be refinished in different color if desired)The one shown is the worst of the 4, The others are not damaged ....On EBAY 4 are shown for 1899. with not as much leather.. These on here are a SUPERVALUE @under 300 each!(Table solid & sturdy same leg style also available for 399.)MAKE AN OFFER !


Okaaaay... I have seen this phenomenon before. Let's call it the Antique Roadshow Syndrome. People see that old items that look like these are in Vogue and get all wound up thinking that their stuff must also be worth something. What they don't get is that a painting by Picasso is worth millions but a cubist "style" painting by their great uncle Earl is not. And their nappy chairs are worth about a hand full of gumballs.

Speaking of...

$450

easter chicks order today for friday and sat pick up

pleasent grove, UT 84062 - Apr 7, 2009

I have a limited suppily of colored easter chicks I will hold them till friday or saturday befout noon but I cannot promice the colors you want they are here and the people who pick up first will get first dibs on colors
other chicks and ducks also avalible

Wow, just what my kids wanted for Easter. It's like he's in their heads! I am so glad that this PG man is around to suppily all of my many water fowl needs.

NEW AR-15! Century Arms New in the Box.

Farr West, UT 84404 - Apr 15, 2009

These are awesome guns. Great guns to shoot coyotes or varmints or just fun to target practice with.


I thought the word "varmint" was a word that Yosemete Sam made up.

...Nice doggie...

Make Reasonable Offer

Star Trek Plus The Next Generation

Provo, UT 84601 - Apr 6, 2009

Everything is in excellent condition. Tapes & cases. There is a total of 103. If you have any ?'s call or text! Can arrange for pick-up in South Salt Lake area! Click more by seller! I will be around Monday & Tuesday. Will be gone 8th-15th! Happy Easter!


I'll make you a reasonable offer! How about your 103 Star Trek PLUS videos for some colored chicks and a set of torn up leather chairs "just like" some that are really expensive?

Reading this article should be mandatory before posting on KSL.

5-reasons-why-we-need-to-teach-our-children-proper-grammar

The End.

Testing, Testing...

So I have not blogged in a long while. I think I'm depressed. I think it's the weather, the fact I have been holed up sick with the kids for two months and the weather. I gained more weight this winter than ever and at the risk of over sharing I have had some "hormonal issues". So my Aunt and Mom concocted this secret plan to take me to go get tested. By a homeopathic doctor.

Now, allow me to explain something about this. I think this kind of stuff is crap. My whole family has been into some serious weirdness (like muscle testing and energy balancing) and I think I have a very sensitive BS-omiter. My gay-dar is broken but I have a great crap detector. And even still I was oddly into this idea. For starters my Aunt said she would cover the cost since she has a trade deal with the good doctor and secondly he gives you herbal drops. I hate stomaching vitamins, but drops sound easy! What can be the harm?

So today I go in and fill out a form about my life. And I am forced to think about my health issues and their timing in my life. Like why suddenly I started to get hay fever at 20. What happened when I was twenty? Let's see, I went through a rough break up with my first love and my Mom went gay and I started drinking. Huh. Check there.

After your symptom breakdown is on paper, you hold a little metal tube about four inches long that looks like a guitar slide in one hand, while he holds a laser pen thingy against little pressure points on your other hand. And then the thing makes some noises and you watch a little line go up. If it goes up the chart into the green area and stays there, you're cool. If it goes, booooooooooop and the line jumps over the green area there is something wrong. I have issues with my blood sugar, hormones, large intestine, and some light allergies.

After he does this a list of what you need is made up. One of the coolest parts was how his computer was linked up to show you the emotional impact these deficiencies have on you. Like for one symptom it read the corresponding thing I should take was Elm. Under Elm it read that the emotional outcome of missing this herb was feeling completely overwhelmed by my responsibilities. This is my current number one issue. I am sure it's a bit like reading a fortune, I mean who isn't overwhelmed by one's responsibilities, but unlike a fortune teller, all of the things he told me were 100% dead on. And my son and daughter were accurately pegged, also. (Aidan deeply needs encouragement and Bella came up as argumentative. It totally reminded me of the Mary Poppins measuring tape.)

I like that he said we were not bad off, really. He wasn't saying, "Oh, no! you guys need these thirteen things because you are all really bad off. That will be five hundred bucks." He was saying the opposite really. He just gave me two bottles of drops and my son, one bottle to help with his skin allergy. The end. To an extent I had the feeling my Mom was hoping we'd find the drops that would magically fix us all into peaceful, perfect, happy people, but alas, that did not happen. I think we'd need a real prescription for something like that. I think it's called Zoloft.

Twitterpated

So if you aren't aware of it yet there is this thing everyone is all excited about called Twitter. And it's as fun as they say, if you like that sort of thing. By that sort of thing I mean chat rooms. Remember when entering a chat room meant there was a flowing stream of funny things people were saying back and forth and you could pick up a line that sounded interesting and catch the rest of the thread and follow it for a while to your own amusement? And remember how you could jump in with silly comments wherever you wanted and specify who the line was aimed at? And remember making friends with total strangers you had never seen before in real life? Combine those old ideals of yore with newer "Facebook-ian" concepts like status updates that are kept under a certain amount of characters, followers, and a profile page and you have Twitter. Here are some reasons why Twitter is the best thing ever in my opinion.
Best. Thing. Ever.

Emmie ( aka stage_left) tweets this: Every day at lunch I walk by a homeless woman who carries a ventriloquist dummy. Today the dummy was wearing big sunglasses

And Brett responds: @stage_left Wow, Rachel Zoe really is dressing everybody.

Oh, I lol-ed in my pants.

Our cat and dog have accounts and fight via twitter.

NigelPugmann tweets:@janefelini You're so lame that when you want to walk somewhere you can't.

Janefelini tweets back:@nigelpugmann Dude, Pew! What dies inside of your ears? Besides your brains?

Nigel tweets back: @janefelini My dreams of being an only pet again one day.

My secret favorite Tweeter, HotAmishChick: Do you know what touches my bum? My unbraided hair. Also, goats. Every. Day. THIS IS NOT A SELLING POINT, GOATS.

Or: In trouble. Jedidiah and I made a snowman. Accused of making a false idol. The bat wings may have been a bit much.

And: I just dressed my pony with a spare bonnet and apron. It's actually really disturbing. I'm going to get Jedidiah!

Finally: If one was so inclined, one could do a lot of damage with a pair of knitting needles. If one was so inclined. (Smile. Smile. Smile.)

Also there are these spontaneous theme tweets that go around. Like one day everyone started Tweeting fake animal facts, or #fakeanimalfacts. Another day it was nerd pick-up lines, or #nerdpickuplines. Amish pick up lines... You get the gist.

Fake animal facts sample: Bears always write text messages in FULL CAPS.

And:A newly born kitten has the absorbency equivalent of a car sponge.

So I made up: The star nosed mole was in fact named such after his eleventh rhinoplasty.

And: Reported sightings of the yeti crab are often questioned by authorities, photos of the animal are scrutinized for accuracy.

Sample of nerd pick-up lines: "you're a perfect 2 in binary." or: "on a 2-digit non two's complement binary number you're a 3."

So Brett made up: Why don't you come back to my place and break my code ...

Some great Amish pick-up lines: Do you like pancakes and living an austere life without modern conveniences?

My fav: My mother spoke to your mother and now I'm supposed to speak to you.

And finally: I'd like to grow my beard for you. #amishpickuplines (True story! For reals!)

Also people send out great things they find, like these gems...



Or:




Literal Videos are another new love found through Twitter. These were yanked off Youtube for licensing issues, imagine that. You must see them. I love, love, love the Tears for Fears one.

If you have not before had the unidentified longing to join a big fat community of smart mouths, then this may not be for you. If you sat in the back of class and thought of as many hilarious critical remarks as possible in a one hour period about your drivers-ed teacher, JOIN US! We haven't grown up either.

I know I know.

I am way late with the kitchen make-over pictures. We are pretty darn close to having them up. But thanks for asking to see them, friends. I really appreciate it.

To take up time on another subject I would like to make a list. I know! These lists are going around Facebook, in case you are dead. This next list is the frequently referred to around my house in casual conversation list of stuff that inexplicably pisses me off. Not in any order.

The term "Skill Set." Like you've got a little box on your desk that you can open up if you need to pull out your skills and use 'em.
Words pronounced super incorrectly. Libary. Febuary. Fermilliar. Inneresting. Honorable mention goes to duck tape. It's for ducts. Duct tape. But whatever, it's hard to pronounce and now there is a Duck Tape brand tape. You're off the hook.
Animals in clothes for pictures. Seeing a pup in a sweater in an old ladies car can be kind of cute. Seeing a Bulldog in a Hawaiian shirt and big crazy sunglasses next to a coconut umbrella drink for some dog calendar makes me want to punch someone in the face.
The drug Abilify. "I feel like I could use a drug that would help me to Ablify myself. I will ask my doctor about it."
Sentences that include 'the but hole'. "You are so great, but..." Everything said directly before 'but' goes right down the hole.
Indirect communication. In '07 our nanny told me upfront that she wasn't going to claim the money we paid her on her taxes. I told her that what she did, or didn't do, was none of my business. She later quit when I filed her on mine, however, claiming I had agreed not to and was a big liar. I was so confused. Apparently we had had an entire conversation in her mind that I wasn't aware I was a part of.
Mashed up words used for marketing purposes. Funtastic. Delishalistic. Abilify.
Fantasy. Mainly because of all of the made-up mashed up names. "Oh, no Captain, the Mezalflix Empire has portioned their towpedocons to max-weponary overload thrust." "Begin conflarb sequence, Lt Allemartian, and duct tape your blumarlinon for heaven's sake."
Babies dressed as angels for pictures. Angels aren't cute little dress-up characters, they represent dead people, people. You want pictures of what your dead angel baby would look like on your wall?
Skinny comments. You'd never say, "Wow, you are soooo fat! Stop eating that already!" to someone I assume. So why would you ever think it's OK to say, "Oh my gosh you look emaciated! Do you even eat?" to someone's face like it's a compliment?
The Snugie. It's a backwards robe. Do you think a guy came back from surgery and thought, "This blood covered smock is so warm and snuggie, I will market this item and quit my career as a surgeon"?
That weird two finger snap that guys learn on South American missions. You look like a tool.
"Keeping it real" You sound like a tool.
Big meat headed muscle men staring at themselves at the gym. You are a tool. Heaven forbid you should also say you are just "Keeping it real." You'd be the Tool Master.
Tigger. Dial it down, dude.