Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I know I know.

I am way late with the kitchen make-over pictures. We are pretty darn close to having them up. But thanks for asking to see them, friends. I really appreciate it.

To take up time on another subject I would like to make a list. I know! These lists are going around Facebook, in case you are dead. This next list is the frequently referred to around my house in casual conversation list of stuff that inexplicably pisses me off. Not in any order.

The term "Skill Set." Like you've got a little box on your desk that you can open up if you need to pull out your skills and use 'em.
Words pronounced super incorrectly. Libary. Febuary. Fermilliar. Inneresting. Honorable mention goes to duck tape. It's for ducts. Duct tape. But whatever, it's hard to pronounce and now there is a Duck Tape brand tape. You're off the hook.
Animals in clothes for pictures. Seeing a pup in a sweater in an old ladies car can be kind of cute. Seeing a Bulldog in a Hawaiian shirt and big crazy sunglasses next to a coconut umbrella drink for some dog calendar makes me want to punch someone in the face.
The drug Abilify. "I feel like I could use a drug that would help me to Ablify myself. I will ask my doctor about it."
Sentences that include 'the but hole'. "You are so great, but..." Everything said directly before 'but' goes right down the hole.
Indirect communication. In '07 our nanny told me upfront that she wasn't going to claim the money we paid her on her taxes. I told her that what she did, or didn't do, was none of my business. She later quit when I filed her on mine, however, claiming I had agreed not to and was a big liar. I was so confused. Apparently we had had an entire conversation in her mind that I wasn't aware I was a part of.
Mashed up words used for marketing purposes. Funtastic. Delishalistic. Abilify.
Fantasy. Mainly because of all of the made-up mashed up names. "Oh, no Captain, the Mezalflix Empire has portioned their towpedocons to max-weponary overload thrust." "Begin conflarb sequence, Lt Allemartian, and duct tape your blumarlinon for heaven's sake."
Babies dressed as angels for pictures. Angels aren't cute little dress-up characters, they represent dead people, people. You want pictures of what your dead angel baby would look like on your wall?
Skinny comments. You'd never say, "Wow, you are soooo fat! Stop eating that already!" to someone I assume. So why would you ever think it's OK to say, "Oh my gosh you look emaciated! Do you even eat?" to someone's face like it's a compliment?
The Snugie. It's a backwards robe. Do you think a guy came back from surgery and thought, "This blood covered smock is so warm and snuggie, I will market this item and quit my career as a surgeon"?
That weird two finger snap that guys learn on South American missions. You look like a tool.
"Keeping it real" You sound like a tool.
Big meat headed muscle men staring at themselves at the gym. You are a tool. Heaven forbid you should also say you are just "Keeping it real." You'd be the Tool Master.
Tigger. Dial it down, dude.

9 comments:

Hailey said...

I don't know what to say. It is perfect. You are my top 5 favorite blogger. But sometimes I do say "keeping it real." I will embrace my toolness.

Jewels said...

I love you. One of mine? When people say, "I could care less....". Then care less! The correct term is "I couldn't care less". Ugh - I hate that so much. Abilify.

Gretchen said...

Amen to babies dressed as angels! Anne Geddes skeeves me out. And I can add "Right on!" and "Correct me if I'm wrong..." to the list of toolish phrases?

Amanda said...

Ok - how about 'To be perfectly honest'... as in, are you not usually??

I love this list!!

Amelia Merritt said...

Done. Or how about, "Well actually..."

Amelia Merritt said...

'Done' was meant for Gretch, as in consider them added.

The Bakers said...

Can't really type for the tears flowing down my face for rill. The mou'ains are so pretty this time of year up in Lay'on. Oh the snapping fingers! HA! Still laughing.

The Bakers said...

OH THE SNUGIE!!! I can't even tell you how much I hate that commercial and we laughed when we first saw it and wished we had thought of it. ( "

In.A.Nutshell said...

i LOVE this list ... skill set drives me INSANE. and the BUT hole. the best is "yada yada yada, BUT UNFORTUNATELY yada yada yada" i love how they through some false sympathy in there. just in case i'm having a "woman" week.