I Give.

As in "up". I give up. We put the "For Sale by Owner" sign in the front lawn so the house is officially up for sale. It's a lovely 5 bedroom 3 bath fixer-upper in the tony Edgemont area of Provo. Many people are asking many questions so I figured a blog post was in order. Think of this as a, "Wait, the Merritt's are selling their house? FAQ"

1. Where are the Merritt's moving off to?

We have no idea where we are going. I have found a great house in Orem that I love more than anything but I know what the odds are that we will be able to sell this house and move into it. We are going to take a bath on this house. So that means we will have to make do for a few years while we dig out of a huge financial hole. Once we do and save some money for a down payment we will probably find a house. This is what I am calling my Reasonable Expectations Scenario. I do have faith that God will be able to work a miracle I can not foresee and so, who knows what will happen. I am keeping the faith that a miracle can occur but I am also keeping my expectations at a realistic level. I'm fasting and praying but I'm also staying rational.

2. Do The Merritt's want to stay in the 4th Ward boundaries?

We have loved being in this ward and this area. We'd love to stay. If we were to fall in love with a house that was perfect in every way and would still allow us to stay in the area...MIRACLE. At this point I'd settle for a darling little house in Utah County that we love and is finished prettily and we can afford and can possibly rent to own. This of course is IF by some miracle we are able to sell our house for what we owe so we don't have to move into an apartment for a few years. It really boils down to the house. You see, we bought this big house with the expectation that I would be well. More like, the assumption. We were going to have more kids. I was going to fix up this house. That was the plan. Now neither is feasible. I may get sicker as many people with Hashi's do. We need at least a 4 bedroom house with a bedroom, kitchen, bathroom and laundry on the main level and next to no yard work because my disease can sometimes spawn other worse diseases, things like:

Vitiligo — a disease that destroys the cells that give your skin its color
Rheumatoid arthritis — a disease that affects the lining of the joints throughout the body
Addison’s disease — a disease that affects the adrenal glands, which make hormones that help your body respond to stress and regulate your blood pressure and water and salt balance
Type 1 diabetes — a disease that causes blood sugar levels to be too high
Graves’ disease — a disease that causes the thyroid to make too much thyroid hormone
Pernicious anemia — a disease that keeps your body from absorbing vitamin B12 and making enough healthy red blood cells
Lupus — a disease that can damage many parts of the body, such as the joints, skin, blood vessels, and other organs.

So if it ever gets to that point, or heaven forbid morphs into Hashimotos Encephalopathy or even Lymphoma of the Thyroid, then I am not going to be dragging myself up flights of stairs all day. Bye-bye split level. I never liked you anyways.

3 Why are The Merritt's moving now...why can't The Merritt's wait until the market swings around? (Or in the sentiments of some acquaintances and my father the coach, why can't The Merritt's just keep working on it one project at a time. Take it in bite sized chunks...)

Get bent. Or go get sick and then see how well you like being told to "just do" something. Just "take my time and do one little project every month" until it's done? Just go stick your head in the toilet you dirty "just-er". Seriously, this makes me insane. So I'm to be a wife and mother and work 18 hour days and serve the church and God and be a good friend and neighbor and do my Visiting Teaching and see the doctors and pay my medical bills and then, on my RARE days off, I'm to tile a bathroom when I have no idea how to tile a bathroom? When do I get to spend time dealing with:

Fatigue
Weight gain
Pale, puffy face
Feeling cold
Intolerance to hot and cold temperatures
Joint and muscle pain
Constipation
Dry, thinning hair
Heavy menstrual flow or irregular periods
Depression
A slowed heart rate
Problems getting pregnant

I guess I am "just" to take all of the above in bite sized chunks, too. Oh, yeah, I can't. I don't control my disease.

We bought a house. And I worked really hard on it. And now I have to walk away from it. And I don't know where we are going and I don't know how this will turn out. I have a disease. I have an incurable disease. And I might not "look sick" to you and you may never notice it but the people I live with do. And the people I work with do and they thankfully keep hiring me. And I manage to plug along in my calling. But Brett and the kids take to finishing my sentences for me and I will probably not ever have another child of my own. And it's by the grace of God and my own stubborn Germanness that I am able to finish 6 days of 12+ hours of shooting without falling apart let alone everything else. It's too much. And I know it and my family knows it and my friends know it and now all of you know it and I believe that God knows it, too. And I believe he will take care of me. Because he doesn't want me to come home to a house that makes me cry before I even get out of my car, just thinking about what an albatross it is.

So if you know how to drywall and want a house in Edgemont...leave your name and number. You are the answer to my prayers.