Monday, April 5, 2010

I should have known.

Since nothing can ever be easy, I should have known. The meds have stopped doing anything and I am back about where I started. I now can see exactly how this is going to go. I will take some meds, I will feel awesome until my body acclimates to the drugs and then I will feel myself slide back to where I was, almost. I will do this for a few months to get the hormone levels right. I do find I have a teensy bit more energy but I am not feeling like I did the first three or four days on the meds. I probably won't feel great all the time like that, but I won't feel back to the way I did entirely either. I will, after a roller coaster of emotion that won't be real, find myself a spot somewhere in the middle of awesome and totally in the toilet. So on the one hand I'm grateful there will be progression but on the other hand I have seen what it would be like to live in a total state of nirvanna and I won't get to have that as my every day reality. Do some people get to live like that every day? Do they know how lucky they are??

But I can't feel sorry for myself. I mean I *can* but I will be mad at myself if I do. It's not like I have cancer. At least so far. I had two moles come back iffy and they are being "watched". I told Brett that would figure. He said it would be the icing on my recent poop cake. I said I should just get Cancer, the Ebola virus, and pregnant with a Downs baby. He said that the baby part would be fine, since they are really sweet kids. I had to agree, that part would not be so bad. Especially since he agreed he would be the one to stay home and take care of it.

5 comments:

Mrs. Organic said...

Look into Cytomel for until the meds really kick in. You won't feel the full effect of levothyroxine until you're about 6 wks into it. And then they'll need another blood draw to confirm that it's really doing enough. Hang in there, the equilibrium will come.

I promise.

Amelia Merritt said...

Thanks! I needed to hear that. I spend every night on Google trying to get info and THIS is the kind of stuff that is NOT out there.

sue-donym said...

Hang in there sweetie.

And keep friends with people who know stuff. They're the best.

Lisa said...

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time.

stef j. said...

stupid hormones.