Monday, April 12, 2010

Self Medicating.

I called to talk to the Doctor today to ask some questions about myself and Brett. Brett also went in to have some blood tests done, now that we're all paranoid that something can be wrong with you and you don't even know it.

I got the nurse on the phone that "helped" me before. The one that has Hashimoto's also. I told her that I wanted to know how this process works and if I needed to set an appointment for three weeks from now to discuss my levels or whatever. She said no. No. N-O. She started talking about my levels but I didn't understand her. So I asked her what they were anyway, and she told me, TSH 4.270 the first test. TSH 4.550 the second test. Which is not off by much. And T4s .98 which IS NORMAL. NORMAL. I told her about how the first week on my meds were amazing and how I felt so perfectly back to normal for me. She said, "Oh I know. It's just the bump of hormones that makes you feel good and then you go back to the way you were before." I am now crying my eyes out and probably will for a couple of months which is when they told me to come back in. Because I am not going back in to check my levels until June. JUNE. J.U.N.E.

She said my levels weren't that off so I need to be on a lower dosage. She said the doctor put me on them at all because they found I had Hashimotos and that Kevin is just trying to thwart it early on.

I am now faced with the fact that this horrible depression and anxiety and lethargy and overwhelm-ed-ness are my reality. For the rest of my life. And will only get worse. All I can say to you, dear reader, is that if you take your sweet and lovely reality for granted, there is a special place in my hell for you. Because not only am I jealous of you for functioning just fine but you don't even appreciate it. I am considering self medicating to a point where *I* feel better and say screw them for using some medical test to determine that and not whether or not I actually freaking feel any better. If I have to continue on like this I will fall the hell apart sometime at the end of April.

And I totally forgot to ask any and all questions related to Brett's tests I was so angry and upset. Sorry, B.


Emily said...

Any chance you can go to another thyroid specialist who is more concerned about helping you feel better?

Tayva said...

Sweet, dear Amelia; I've been dealing with my disease for 5 years now (and RIGHT NOW I'm better but I've been pretty much at the same medication for 2 years. I'm VERY BORED with this! I want to get well and be done, but I digress . . .) My neurologist sent me to talk to another specialist once, just to make sure he wasn't missing anything. This second doctor told me that my blood levels would fluctuate. He looked me in the eye and said, "You can never go by what your blood says. You go by what you feel." So, sometimes I have a few days where I think, wow, I'm on my way! Then, I tank. My doctor reads my blood, but treats me by how I'm feeling.
If you don't 'feel' good; you need to be taken better care of. Your blood levels might move around due to stress, insomnia, a cold, or whatever! Plus, when you're fighting off a disease, your body has a MUCH harder time fighting depression.
Call me if you want to talk! I wish you didn't have to go through this---I'm thinking of you, hon. Hang in there.

Amelia Merritt said...

Tayva that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear! Thank you, thank you!!!!!

Petit Elefant said...

Time to find another doctor. One who follows your symptoms and not the tests {as much}.

When you find him/her, let me know, my levels are screwed.