Right before Father's Day I found out my Father, Step-Mom and little Sister have been keeping from me that they don't believe in the church anymore and have not gone in two years. (My little sister over stated that because two years ago my dad was Sunday School President. So it must be just shy of two.) She is seventeen and had to tell me because the real adults were too busy basting themselves and stuffing themselves with seasoned bread crumbs. But it's all OK I am told, because they are on "A Journey".
I told my older sister about their lying to me for 2 years and leaving the church and she said, with a big grin on her face, "Awesome." I looked at her sideways and said, "I'm sorry?" And she said that she just meant it was great because it meant they were now on their journey. So two things, I had to be the bigger person and let it go in front of my kids. (Not that I believed a word of it, she secretly hates the church.) And there was that word again.
Father's Day is the special day I went on my first date with Trace, Bella's DNA donor. He, too had left the church and was on what he called a journey, to find his truth. He said he was happy I had found mine in the church because he had tried but couldn't. I told him we were going in different directions. He said we were both going in the same direction because we were both on journeys to find our truths. I gotta admit I didn't get it. During our short relationship he would periodically get upset at me for not allowing him the "blessing" of "helping" me. He then was kind enough to help me out of an apartment I had lined up. He then helped me out of a job interview. He said I should move my stuff into his garage and hang out at his house and let him help me some more. He helped me get pregnant and then he helped me hate myself every hour of every day for the next three years after he bailed and proceeded to make decisions that were all about him and his life journey which included anything and everything he could think of without bounds to try and save himself any negative outcome. Financially, emotionally, socially. And at my expense if necessary. Or my girl's. He does "help" remind me that the church is 100% true, however. Because the year I started to come back to church HE is what Satan tried to throw at me. A person and his Journey.
I guess some people get tired of church service and want to do other things like sit down and concentrate really hard on themselves. Because it's really, really important to think for long periods of time about yourself in order to find your truth. So that when you're faced with a decision you know exactly how you should act in order to be true to yourself, to try and create outcomes that you need to have happen in order to make things better for you. So that you're happy. On your journey.
If your journey to find your truth means you're doing things like lying to your family or leaving a pivotal life situation that you helped create...then your truth is full of shit.
I've never been interested in my truth, I am interested in THE truth. God's truth. Unconditionally, I just asked for his truth, whatever it may be. And now the question of truth is to me never in question. All together, "Don't stop...believe-n."