Monday, July 14, 2008

Welcome to the Hotel California.

So we went to California.  We stayed at the Carlsbad Holiday Inn.  Aidan asked if it was a Motel, a Hotel or an Inn.  It oddly was neither of the above.  It was a windmill.  

So the first day we went to Legoland.  There were not so many people there since it was a work day.  The weather was a perfect temperature, in the 70's.  We casually went from ride to ride as a group and everyone was able to have a decent time and do what they wanted.  And then it all took a dark turn.

Aidan was the only kid that wanted to go to the obstacle course.  So I sat on a wall and waited with some other tired parents when I heard screaming.  A very large young boy was being dragged down from the upper level by his wrist.  His mom pulled him down the stairs and the boy continued to scream, "I am controlling my anger!!"  Keep in mind, I have never heard a human unleash this kind of sound.  Screaming from the inner depths of hell in his dark, ugly soul.  He was let go of, mistakenly, once they reached the bottom of the stairs.  The Mom kept walking towards the exit I guess assuming he'd follow?  But the boy went over to a man sitting by a stroller and spit in his face and screamed, "I hate you, I hate all of you."  And in that moment I thought I was seeing a troubled boy spit in the face of his father.  The man, sat with no emotion in his face.  The boy, still screaming, left that man and moved down the wall.  We locked eyes and he began to swing his fists and come at me.  The boy is about to punch me in the face and is screaming that he hates all of us, all of us and I am just watching from outside of myself.  His mother catches him around the waist with his fists inches from my face.  He swings angrily at the air while his Ma drags him back.  I say, "I thought he was going to punch me in the face!"  She smiles and says in that Mom in denial tone, "He's just frustrated..."  And then they are gone.  And the two women next to me and I are left with our mouths open.  We laugh at her ignorance and the woman nearest me says that she would ring her kid's tail if he ever acted like that.  We all agree that he is the kind of kid that grows up only to go totally Columbine one day.  No joke.  And then I think, "Hold the phone that guy isn't his Dad!"  Cool as a cucumber he still sat motionless with his sunglasses on with zero change in his expression.  Like he has strange kids spit on him everyday.

The next day was Beach Day and everyone got in a fight because we all set up different camps on the beach and no one wanted to pick up and move to be closer to one another.   So there was a camp one and a camp two.  Both camps one and two couldn't let it go that the other camp was so full of pride that they wouldn't budge to be by their camp.  I felt like Mom should lay down the matriarch trump card but she didn't play it, because she's nice.  While camp one was packing up to go, camp two came over to camp one.  Then the four Measom/ Merritt's went alone to a little local corner taco shop and the others went to a big fancy sushi restaurant.  I got sick, I think from the taco shop, and couldn't eat desert at the sushi place.  I had to go back to the room right quick...

Saturday we went to Sea World.  Imagine that all of Southern California decides collectively one weekend to not go shopping at Walmart but go see some whales instead.  This would be the weekend we decided to go.  And it's a million degrees even though it's supposed to be 70.  And my neck is out because of the Hotel bed and I'm super sunburned from Beach Day even though I spent fifty bucks and three weeks tanning.  And there are four families with young kids in double wide strollers and three single people and a senior all trying to navigate through thousands of people and talk to one another about where we all want to go and what we want to do and how to get there and who needs to pee or breast-feed or eat and height requirements for rides and explain it all over again to the next family while we are trying to find the three year olds that ran off in the crowd and buy churros and water and find shade.  I was miserable for six and three quarters of the nine hours there.   I spent fifty five dollars on lunch.  At the end of the day just our family went to the arctic exhibit which was nice and cool and fun to be at.  Bella found a spot up front of the crowd at the walrus pool and they had just been fed.  They eat and re-eat their food by barfing it up on the window and then chewing it back up for easier digestion.  So you get a clear view of regurgitated walrus chow.  Bella gagged hard, twice, and each time the crowd collectively went, "WOAH!" I reached her and stopped her from gagging a third time and bolted to an area that looked easy to clean.  We then went to the log flume which we insisted to the kids was going to be fun.  It scared them so badly that we are still apologizing.  It wasn't so much a flume as an actual roller coaster.  Aidan keeps recalling it and crying openly.

TMI alert:  On the way home I was sad to get my period even though I had spent the weeksuper uncomfortable and bloated as a house.   Because although two tests told me I was not in fact pregnant I was just certain I must be after being huge and over a week late for something like the eleventh month in a row.  That night we got to stop in Vegas and stay with Brett's pregnant sister and his baby nephew while I'm doubled over with cramps eating ineffective ibuprofen wishing my laundry to hurry and defy physics and dry in five minutes.  We drove home in bad moods.

Brett and I are getting divorced.  I can not conceive an actual child with a man I am married to.  In my experience he has to secretly want to demean me and treat me like crap for me to be able to conceive with him so he's going to work on those character flaws while we file the paperwork.  By the time it's finalized I should be knocked-up proper.  With any luck we can then take our new bastard baby to Sea World.  

9 comments:

theJorgies said...

so, this is a stretch, but i'm assuming you know Matt Mattson...i was his girlfriend/fiance before Meg and had hung-out with he and Brett a couple times back in the day. so from his blog i found Brett's blog, and from Brett's, yours ... i swear i'm not some crazy stalker person.

yada yada, i love your blog. hilarious, thought-provoking, straight-forward ... and i hope you're not weirded out now.

Martha said...

I am a friend of Brett's! Love your post. I was laughing and crying all at the same time. Don't you love family vacations?

Jewels said...

You know, we were planning on taking our boys to California in a few months...maybe that's not the best idea. It does sound like there was some good times amongst the madness. No? Did I read too much into that?

I so know the sadness you feel when the monthly visitor makes it's appearance when you felt sure there was a baby in there. Hang in there, my dear!

The Bakers said...

I never cease to chuckle at your posts. Brett told us about the log flume ride and we had to have a good laugh. I am the parent that would have lied to get my kid on the roller coaster too! ( " Would have? Or wait, I've done it.
As for pregnancy, best of luck and good times in the process. I'm sure it is a nerve-racking process. I'm still hoping I can plan the quest for the male child...instead of being "pleasantly surprised."

P & L said...

Amelia,
I love how you can look at a problem and see exactly how to fix it. Of course it should be a Divorce, what were you thinking getting married in the first place, it only prolonged what we all sit in anticipation of... baby brett.

~P

Also, do you remember the time you called the Waiter a water monkey?

Shawn said...

I think your first mistake was going to CA for vacation. Its like the devil, you feel tempted by it, and even enjoy it a bit during your time there, but regret it after...

Sorry, I used to live there----some bad memories.

Good luck with your divorce---hope it brings many babies!

I was married to a HUGE jerk----the house was always clean and I was always skinny. Now, I am married to an amazing man---well, you can figure out the rest...

Hailey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hailey said...

Ouch, mom, this is the second time you have thrashed my father on Amelia's blog. Not that I take it personally--it's not like I have 50% of his genes or anything...

Anyway, I loved hearing your California stories. Family vacations suck. I mean, RULE!

The Grunt said...

That temper tantrum kid needs his own reality show and therapist.