Julia, Tanya and I stayed up and watched "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes". One of my all time favorites. I must confess I went around saying, "Thank you ever so," for like years after I saw it. I also similarly adore "How to Marry a Millionaire". Oh that gorgeous Lauren Bacal. If I could order me up a face it would be hers. I think my little girl got the best of Bio's physical genes, her eyes have that sleepy bed-room, cat eye shape Lauren's (and Tanya's) do and I love them. Coupled with her dimples and curly hair they keep me from choking her tantrumy/difficult little self. (Bells not Tanya.) But I digress.
We were all lamenting the death of times when women were stared at on train platforms. When we went to dinner in gowns and men winked at us. When men would actually stand up and marry their woman. We wished we could wear dresses everyday and feel more like...women. May I indulge an idea in front of you now? It's just an idea from my sick mind. No, really, I am on some harsh cold meds with a fever, I'm sick. But for now I feel this in my heart and want to get it out. I think we payed a sad price for equality, and we are all starting to feel it. And there it is.
Do NOT get me wrong for a second. I am genuinely grateful for the battle women fought to be equal to men. I am every day blessed with a job I love big where I go to work with a crew full of men. At times being the only women. And I get to have this job because of the past sacrifices of others, I am not ignorant of that fact. And I will not be able to express my gratitude ENOUGH for that on the other side even if given the chance. Because like Julia says, "There are not words."
When I was in High School I had very old fashioned ideas. I would never ask a boy out unless it was Sadie Hawkins. I never called first. I didn't call before 10am or after 10 pm. I didn't put out. You get the picture. I watched girls chase guys and get them all of the time and I saw that guys were lazy. I may have been fighting a losing battle but I made a conscious decision not to participate. It broke my heart in so many ways to see that things were not the way I would have them be. I made it through High School and had a good experience for keeping to this standard. In college I had boyfriends that were well meaning but joshed me about being old fashioned. Mocked me for being non athletic, non political, non outdoorsy and frivolous. I felt like I had two options, get with the program or get passed over. I got with the program.
I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't be able to do what I do if I had not gotten with said program. But I do feel that price being paid. Oh, I feel it. I feel it after being on set overnight for 18 hours shooting in a store/bank/hospital when I get groceries looking like a construction worker because Brett has to be at work and then go to an audition and then has Thrills and can't manage it. I know I'm wrecking classy. When I am tearing out the kitchen floor/moldy drywall/bathroom vanity and I have to go to Lowes to get a part in my doo rag and overalls. I know who I am being in those moments and it's not lovely and demure. And I ache a little. I know it secretly wrecks Brett. My mother-in-law told me so.
Our lives as humans today seem to require us to put aside these romantic and classic ideals, sadly. I am just glad for a church that says, men...stand up. Women, get an education but stay lovely and foster your nurturing, charitable side. Learn to sew and can and cook. Have enrichment night. Visit Teach. Be chaste and make them earn you. And men, marry them and lead your family. I love these things about us. We are not driving buggies but we are old fashioned. And I look forward to going to church every Sunday. And to my new church time of one o'clock knowing it gives me ample time to put effort into at least one day in my week when I get to do my hair and put on pretty shoes and an actual dress. So I can sit by a handsome man in a suit who will hold my hand and if I'm lucky, wink at me.